bastard pop

This all started because I went to this very handbag night called Buttoned Down Disco, and heard a cut of Britney Spears Toxic with the B52s Loveshack. I could tell that the DJ was no way cool enough to have something that weird on vinyl, so I searched the Interweb for it. Then I got sucked into it a little, and about 2 hours later I had about 30 pretty good mash ups, a.k.a. ‘bastard pop’. Some of them are brilliant, some are silly and obscure, but the most fun thing about bootlegs is the naming convention – you have to mash up the song titles to make something witty and meaningful.

My favourite track that I found was “Fire in the A-Bar” – Electric 6, Prodigy, and you’ll listen to it to find out what the ‘A’ in the title is about. I laughed for about 5 minutes when I found out.
Fire in the A-Bar mp3 file here (right click save target as)

Nicest title is still the original and best “Stroke of Genius” (Strokes vs. Christina Aguilera’s “Genie in a bottle”). It's a good track too.
Stroke of Genius mp3 file here (right click save target as)

More worthy titles are the inane “Rock it like it’s Lobster” (Snoop Dogg vs. B52s) and the too cute “Dip it Joe” (Christina Milian vs. Hendrix).
Dip it Joe mp3 file here (right click save target as)

I found a stack of these at Webjay – it’s a site where people post playlists which are all links to mp3 files – you can then just play the whole list by clicking the link. Quite useful in a “users who liked Rick Astley also liked…” kind of way.

But if you have a lot of time to kill, you can check www.gymo.org , which has people posting hundred of mash ups a day.

It's rewarding work though, like the old days when making a compilation tape took 2 hours - you feel much more emotionally attached to a collection of songs you've had to work to put together. And it's yet another example of things getting more user-controlled and fragmented. There's nothing like finding a mash up of two of your absolute favourite tracks from totally different genres. Have fun searching!

Guess the Google

A game where it shows you a bunch of images, and you have to guess what the keyword that produced them on Google was. Surprisingly enjoyable, and interesting – you could argue that Google image search shows us what society thinks certain things look like at this particular snapshot in time.

link: Guess the Google

you want dodgy cab?

I always thought that the dodgy-cab-drivers-are-potential-rapists campaign was a bit harsh – anyway I was in Brick Lane, Friday night, 1:00 am, and saw negotiations break down between a dodgy cab driver and a scruffy-trendy, well spoken reveler. He throws his arms up in exasperation and, addressing the streetful of partygoers and about 40 little Bangladeshi unlicensed cabbies, yells: "Fuck all these bitches, man! Getting the bus – it’s free. You can go and rape someone else tonight." A lot of the cabbies laughed.

Peckham Rock

the guy banksy (the slightly-too-famous avant-garde graffiti artist) set a challenge to find one of his pieces that had remained undiscovered in the British Museum for some time – found at last. Very cute.

If you’re not familiar with his work, best check it out at banksy.co.uk – it’s nice.

Moonwalking bird

Why do people keep any other species of bird as pets when these exist? Silly.

Click here for the video.



Link courtesy of www.BoreMe.com

5-a-day going well so far

I’ve been wanting to do this Super Mario Kart thing for a while, but I don’t often eat bananas. One thing I didn’t consider is that you have to leave quite a lot of the banana uneaten to get it stand up. Keyboard yucky as a result, but writing on a banana does feel good.

Insect-related arcade games

I used to spend a lot of time in arcades playing classics like Streetfigher 2, Mortal Kombat and Virtua Fighter 2, to name some. So it saddens me a bit that arcades have died a bit of a death – people who like video games don’t go anymore, cos they can play the same games at home with their mates, or online. DDR-esque games (the ones where you jump on these little squares in time to the music) are what bring people in, but these are mainly kids looking for something fun to do, not your hardcore video game junkies.

So in a misty eyed and perplexed way here are some great looking games – very inexplicable and Japanese, complete with brilliant names like Bee Panic:


And King of Beetle. Weird – an arcade game about a card game. The idea being you collect cards and fight them by putting them in the machine. Note the buttons, complete with paper-scissors-rock – I really really want to know what the ‘pinch’ button does.

I went to a Chinese chip shop

To prove that I read things that aren't the Internet, I am going to tell you about a truly sweet article in the Saturday Times. It's all about playground rhymes and how they have and haven't changed. These guys have recorded ditties from all over the country; I can't remember what the point of the study is, but the results speak for themselves... some key findings:

1. Kids readily absorb and process the media around them:

Jingle bells, jingle bells, Santa's lying dead.
Teletubbies, Teletubbies, shot him in the head.
Barbie girl, Barbie girl, tried to save his life.
Action Man, Action Man stabbed him wi' a knife.
- Glasgow

2. They deconstruct the meaning of old classics and add relevance where needed:

Mary, Mary, quite contary.
How does your garden grow?
I live in a flat, you stupid twat,
So how the fuck should I know?
- Generic

3. Trends in ethnicity are evident, in the R Kelly parody:

I believe I can fly,
I got shot by the FBI,
All I wanted was a chicken wing,
And I got shot in the ding-a-ling.
- Hackney

The future is in safe hands.

Source: The Times Magazine 21 May 2005.

Bucket Guy

I’m not sure at what point this blog became devoted to fast food and binner culture, but here we go. KFC have taken a lot of flak recently with the KentuckyFriedCruelty campaign (Pamela Anderson Lee amongst others narrate chicken maltreatment vids). The animal rights guys are doing well – if you Google ‘KFC’ they’re the 2nd or 3rd link, right under the official website. Terrifying if you’re the KFC bosses. Chickens rights are also the subject of the no doubt expensive www.mailorderchickens.com, starring Helen Baxendale and other Brits trying to, well just check it out. It’s a very nicely done site, by the sofake guys, but the chicken thing gets a little thin after a while.

So I went to KFC to see if I could taste any evidence of mistreatment in the chicken. Got the usual of Colonel’s Meal (3 pieces of original recipe chicken, Pepsi, chips, coleslaw).

I guess I’d better stop here to explain that I love KFC. It forms part of the food triangle (McDs, KFC and Burger King) that you need for a culturally balanced fast food diet.

Of all the big 3, it’s the most socially niche. I’ve keep on meeting people who have never set foot in a branch of KFC (posh people). It’s difficult and messy to eat, so it isn’t the ideal thing to have before going out (that honour goes to the Burger King Bacon Dbl Cheeseburger), and you can’t even type or surf the net at the same time – eating KFC is an “eating occasion” more than any other fast food on the high street. It’s also the only one of the big three that has the element of sharing, and the fun of identifying your favourite cut of chicken as they come out the Mega Bucket. And to top it all off, they have the best music in their restaurants. During the course of meal I got Otis Redding – Hard to Handle and Carla Thomas – B-A-B-Y; two classic soul tracks which both brought a big smile to my face. So I like to sit and really take my time over it. The Queensway KFC has the added bonus of being underground so my phone doesn’t end up covered in grease when I have to answer it.

On with the meal. Chips now unsalted – why? It can’t be that they needed to get the official salt figure on their meals down, so just stopped putting salt on the chips? Can it?

Now Unsalted


So I had to try adding the salt myself, which I massiverly overdid. Nice though.

Now Salted


Chicken was sublime as usual. Really crispy outside.

On my way out Add it! Add it! Add it! Go on… why not? This sign is just in the wrong part of the store. Plus I’m a purist – hot wings and beans never did it for me.

A Timeless Struggle

This contest has raged fiercely for as long as I can remember now. Since the first time I went into a supermarket these cardboard giants have been battling it out in the lightweight, cruiserweight and heavyweight sub 750g categories. It is of course, the cereal packet freegift-off.

Very simply, the packet with the best free gift wins, and gets to ride in the victory basket. Other hopeless offers like ‘250g extra’, prize draws, and even the mighty buy-one-get-one-free have all lost before the bell even rings. Any kind of plastic robot is usually a dead cert, although fake tattoos and pencil-related gifts also do well.

The biggest loser: Cut out cardboard pidgeon (Weetos)
You can’t just draw a free gift on your cereal packet and expect it to work. That’s what Coyote used to do in Road Runner cartoons - painting a train tunnel on the side of a cliff face, and trying to run through it. The last thing children need in this day and age is to be let down by their cereal box as well as by everyone else. Even if a mother let the child cut-out the bird prior to the cereal ending (unlikely as it would mutilate the box), the child would be sorely disappointed as the bird is only colored on one side. It will show kids (wrongly) that creating things by your own hand is worthless in the face of a mass produced lightsaber toy. And I guarantee it will not fly for more than a yard. More tears.



This week’s winner: Plastic Lego Knight (Cinnamon Grahams)
Best of a weak bunch. Last week’s champion, the seemingly unassailable “Star Wars Lightsaber Maze” (Frosties) toy turned out to rubbish, so no repeat purchase. The knight goes through to the quarterfinals along with some Kinder Egg and Happy Meal toys.



For the record, the camp which has bred the most winners is Frosties. Honorable mention to Sugar Puffs and Cinnamon Toast Crunch which have both been purchased with no/weak promotion.

McDonalds - garden side salad instead of chips

In so many words, I went to Macs, got a Quarter Pounder w Cheese meal, but opted for a garden side salad instead of chips. It was really ok, but then I was still hungry, so got 6 Chicken McNuggets as well. Photo evidence:



Check out the salad dressing bag – how un-McDonalds does it look? Clean white and dark brown (the ‘B’ is for Balsamic, btw) with the 'salads plus' orange and green branding on it - really out of place next to my quarter cheese box and Coke. It’s like brightly colored armies fighting it out on my tray liner – reds and yellows vs the new organic crew. This needs sorting, though all in all I think the salad option is a hit.



Bit confused by my bag from a quarter pounder I had the other day though. An old woman playing pool, with the strapline in a billion different languages… I’m not quite there.

Then, on the other side, we have a plug for goactive. This is a pointless website talking about active lifestyles. It’s a good example of half-hearted move by a big corporation to show love to new half-formed idea of generally doing exercise, without any memorable actions or idea behind it.



It’s definitely an exciting time for McDonalds though, and noone is sure what they’ll look like in 5 years or so. I hope it's all red and yellow.